Dedicating your life to something requires extreme passion. I was very lucky to find that passion in fitness. I had always been quite active my entire life, but it all changed when I started working out in the gym. I found something that made me feel happy, confident, and strong. I was hooked. After spending a few years of hitting the gym and eating better, I was introduced to the world of bodybuilding and physique competitions. It was entirely new for me, and I instantly fell in love with. My roommate was preparing for a figure competition, and I told her I wanted to follow her diet with her.

I know that sounds crazy, but I wanted to get a taste of what it was like. In 2010, I competed in my very first bikini competition, and a new love began. Competing in bikini competitions was something that I felt was meant for me. The structure and discipline came easy for me, and I also happened to do really well, which was a bonus! However, as I was preparing for my 10th competition in 6 years, my body stopped responding. The changes weren’t happening as they had so easily in the years before. My body was fighting against me and there was nothing I could do without putting my health at risk. I’ve always tried to make sure it was a fitness lifestyle I was leading. I didn’t want to take measures that many of the other competitors were willing to take because I always tried my best to make health the number one priority. My boyfriend/coach and I kept trying different things, but after a while I had to make a decision. Keep pushing my body harder, or pull out of the show that year.

You would think this would be a pretty easy decision to make. However, when you are used to working at a goal year after year, and always accomplishing it, the idea of quitting is not even an option. The thoughts running through my head were… would people think I was a quitter? Would my clients still think of me as a role model? Would girls even want to train with me if I didn’t compete? Would the companies I am affiliated with still want me to represent them? Would I still up hold my reputation in the industry? All these thoughts were scary, and discouraging, but I had to make the right decision for me and my health. I felt like I was defined by the fact that I was a bikini competitor, that’s what I was known for. If I didn’t compete, what would people think of me as?

I wasn’t very public about the fact that I wasn’t competing, and only told people close to me. Looking back at it now, I realize that making that decision was much harder on me mentally than I thought. Over this past year I have had a hard time figuring out who I am supposed to be. However, at the end of the day its not what you do that defines you, its how you make others feel, and how you feel about yourself. I would be lying if I was saying that I wasn’t still having a hard time with this, but I wanted to share my experience with you all. I learned many lessons during my competition years… here are a few.

1. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY!!! I cannot stress this enough!!! I see so many women pushing their bodies to the point where their health is at risk. In my opinion this is not worth it! Think about the next 10, 20, 30 years of your life. How you want to look, but most importantly how you want to feel. Health and longevity are #1 in my books! While I was preparing for the 2016 CBBF nationals, I experienced what it felt like to have my body not respond. That was the first time this had ever happened to me, and I made the decision not to compete in order to avoid any of my issues becoming worse. That brings me to my next lesson….

2. Our bodies need rest!! And when I say rest, I mean rest from training and from competing. Giving your body 6-8 months of off season between shows, where you still stay on a tight diet and train super hard every day is not rest. During my 6 years of consistently competing, I would be dieting hard for at least 6-8 months of the year, usually doing two shows each year. Make no mistake, that is hard on the body. Giving yourself rest from training is just as important. In the past year since I decided not to compete, I have also dealt with a laundry list of nagging injuries that I’ve accumulated from going hard in the gym too long without proper time off. I think it’s very important to schedule time away from the gym. Even just a few weeks each year would probably do most people some good.

3. Staying stage lean all year round is unrealistic and unhealthy. After you compete in your first show, you see how great your body can look and you are always striving to maintain it. Well, that lean look that you love so much is extreme, and is the look you are meant to achieve for the stage. Honestly, it took me a while to come to this conclusion. I would only be happy with my body when I was super lean, and unless I looked like that I was unhappy. I learned over the years that I was being unrealistic and way too hard on myself. I have now learned to love my body at all different stages. I embrace the fact that I am a woman that has muscle and curves!

4. Yes it’s ok to have that piece of cake!!  No word of a lie…I used to have a piece of cake, ice cream, chocolate – anything “bad”, and I would over think it. I’d tell people about it, and make a big deal out of it. Then worry that I was going to gain weight. Now I am finally breaking free of that mentality. I still eat extremely well, since I was raised on veggies as a snack! Haha. So it’s not like I ever had a sweet tooth. At least now I can have a bit of cake and it doesn’t weigh on my mind at all.